sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
