I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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