even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
