Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
