okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
