My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
