just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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