You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
