tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
