All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
