i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
