How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
