Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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