I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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