I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
