C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
