Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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