She said her name was "party"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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