i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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