Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
