I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
