Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
