So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
