THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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