Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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