Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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