I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
