I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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