I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
