Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize