If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
In America we eat man semen.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
