Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
FUCK WHALES
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
