Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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