she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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