i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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