why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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