when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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