oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
