I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
