i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
