all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
