i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's blow job season.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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