If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
