Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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