Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
