the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
