Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
