worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
