she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
