I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
