Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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