Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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