My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
please don't ironically join a cult
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