Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
