can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We need to get me chipped asap
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
