but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
