pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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