Moan for me like Helen Keller
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
