I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
