So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
