From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
