I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Randomize
