Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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