My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
