I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
