Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
