There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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