no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
