My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
