If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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