My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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