Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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