i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
