I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
this beer tastes like vomit already
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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