last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
